Hey Guys,
I know in the past i've contained these rant style blog posts for Thursdays, but this thought can't wait it just keeps spilling out wanting to be written about.. So here it is...Thought of the day...
Why am i embarrassed to have a period?
This thought sprang on me when i was buying reserve period pads for uni...I will not be caught out having a period with no money to spend on such 'luxuries'. Therefore I ,with my mum's permission, took her card out to buy a couple of packets to keep me going.
As I was walking into Tesco, I realised with horror that i was terrified to be buying period pads. The thought kinda amused me for a second as i walked purposefully to the back of the shop where there stock. But my brain kept insisting...Right now, you are embarrassed and almost ashamed to be caught buying such necessities. I kept trying to convince myself i wasn't but now not just my brain but my body was convinced i was embarrassed, walking in a round about direction towards them as if i wasn't going into the shop on the sole purpose of buying them, and then quickly picking them up, after checking no one was watching and shoving them right at the bottom of my basket.
It defies logic for me, why am i afraid to show the world that i am going through a normal bodily function, something that happens to half the population every 28 days or so. Why do i feel ashamed about my body. my period. my femininity.
I could go really deep and feminsisty by breaking it down, having a period is 100 and 10% female. When it first arrives there is always someone telling you 'You're a women now' like a less exciting letter from Hogwarts... Having a period defines many women as they believe it gives them a badge telling others their a women. Periods as childbirth used to be viewed as a mysterious 'women thing'. So is that why i am embarrassed about spending a few quid on pads? It marks me as a women, screams my femininity to anyone who noticed, marks me as someone who is weak/vulnerable at the moment?
I don't know...
Logically and normally i'm proud to be a women, proud to be strong, independent and hopefully sometimes a bit bad ass... So why does something which represent my life as a female bring me so much embarrassment?
It is society's doing, this stigma we've created around periods finally affecting me, subconsciously am i taking in the blue never accurate representation of the adverts how periods should be hidden so no one ever knows, like a horrible secret. Me flaunting my purchases revokes the way society deals with it, how dare i buy pads, i should be hiding this natural function.
I am still questioning why i feel so embarrassed about my period... I hope i'm not alone.
Anyway,
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
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