Hey GUys,
On Wednesday the 9th of November i was at my college's bar in Uni watching the results coming in and gradually seeing hate win. Donald Trump won the election, he is now *glups* president of the United States of America.
But why does this matter, why as a British, white, female citizen am i even writing about it.
Because this decision affects everyone. Good or bad... and at the moment i scared about the latter.
Trump as a person has said ridiculously hateful to many groups of society, and that should never be ok.
One of the leading countries in our world is represented by someone who's a racist, sexist, ageist, hateful against the disabled and so much more.
His slogan 'Make America Great again' has given in the words of Jon Cozart, given permission for people to hate.
And that's the scary part.
Trump's policies, ideas and sayings have developed this channel of hatred which is start to become accepted and normalised... People begin to think... Oh if the president can say this...So can I, I should start to view the world the way they do. As 'Them and Us' . Splitting our society into groups and segregating them.
This leads to groups getting discriminated, oppressed and abused.
That is not ok. Right. Or allowed. No one group should feel afraid to practice their faith, speak their views, or simply walk down the street late at night.
So that's why Donald Trump matters. That is why his presidency matters. He's become a beacon and mouthpiece for hate which starts to spread and spread.
Let's work and keep working to stop that.
Love,
LadyoftheRivers
Thursday 10 November 2016
Sunday 16 October 2016
How to maybe pass your driving test..
Hey Guys,
If your in the UK and are coming up to the ripe old age of 17 ( 16 if your in the US of A) your mind will be wandering to driving, whether you can pass, whether you should take the test, or if you even should be let lose on the road.
I once, back in the day last year went through the same questions, I especially was concerned about others people's safety if and when i was set lose on the road...
However, i have passed my test now ( over a month a go actually...) and i now feel relatively if not slightly under-qualified to give you some advice on driving...
1. DO NOT START IF YOU ARE NOT READY...
I for example unfortunately have my birthday in the midst of revising season, therefore i knew i could not even attempt to start driving until i had gotten my exams out the way. In that couple of months before i started driving i was able to take a step back, i defiantly would not have been ready to take my test on the day of my birthday. So do not worry if you have turned 17 and do not have the urge to get behind a wheel.
2. THEORY FIRST
As with everything in life driving and passing are not simple. First if you did not know you have to pass a theory driving test before you start driving practically. For me as someone who likes to understand the rules before starting anything found it helpful to look through the highway code and understand the regulations and rules of the road. It meany when i started learning my theory and driving at the same time it wasn't totally new to me. I could recognise the signs and the road markings, which meant driving became less scary... for both me and my parents.
3. USE YOUR RESOURCES
Do not start shelling out £50 for a 2 hour lesson, go out first with you parent/ guardian/ over 21 year old licensed driver you can trust. I started with 'lay-by driving' which is basically driving up and down a lay-by, reversing, getting used to the steering wheel and pedals. Driving is all about small and simple steps, break down what is a difficult skill to make it easier to learn. All this practice you've down will mean when you do start driving with an instructor you can start from step 6 instead of step 1, saving you both time and money.
4. GET A DRIVING INSTRUCTOR YOU CAN TRUST
I was very lucky and with the first try i had an amazing driving instructor. She was so helpful and luckily we got on really well, making the whole process easier. If like some i know who do not like their instructor don't be afraid to get a new one or swap, they will not be that offended as they know not everyone has the same taste. Its better to be happy than unhappy.
5. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
Driving like with any skill takes time to perfect, therefore practice driving any way you can. I used to drive my dad to do the food shop every Saturday and drive back from school as well. This helped me get used to the road and other drivers, it made me learn the 15 million eyes you need to be able to see everything you need to be aware off on the road.
I hope this helps relieve anyone of their driving fears and gives you a bit of confidence that you will eventually pass.
If you are far of learning to drive, watch your parents or somebody else drive while you're in the car to see how they do it- it might come in useful later.
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
If your in the UK and are coming up to the ripe old age of 17 ( 16 if your in the US of A) your mind will be wandering to driving, whether you can pass, whether you should take the test, or if you even should be let lose on the road.
I once, back in the day last year went through the same questions, I especially was concerned about others people's safety if and when i was set lose on the road...
However, i have passed my test now ( over a month a go actually...) and i now feel relatively if not slightly under-qualified to give you some advice on driving...
1. DO NOT START IF YOU ARE NOT READY...
I for example unfortunately have my birthday in the midst of revising season, therefore i knew i could not even attempt to start driving until i had gotten my exams out the way. In that couple of months before i started driving i was able to take a step back, i defiantly would not have been ready to take my test on the day of my birthday. So do not worry if you have turned 17 and do not have the urge to get behind a wheel.
2. THEORY FIRST
As with everything in life driving and passing are not simple. First if you did not know you have to pass a theory driving test before you start driving practically. For me as someone who likes to understand the rules before starting anything found it helpful to look through the highway code and understand the regulations and rules of the road. It meany when i started learning my theory and driving at the same time it wasn't totally new to me. I could recognise the signs and the road markings, which meant driving became less scary... for both me and my parents.
3. USE YOUR RESOURCES
Do not start shelling out £50 for a 2 hour lesson, go out first with you parent/ guardian/ over 21 year old licensed driver you can trust. I started with 'lay-by driving' which is basically driving up and down a lay-by, reversing, getting used to the steering wheel and pedals. Driving is all about small and simple steps, break down what is a difficult skill to make it easier to learn. All this practice you've down will mean when you do start driving with an instructor you can start from step 6 instead of step 1, saving you both time and money.
4. GET A DRIVING INSTRUCTOR YOU CAN TRUST
I was very lucky and with the first try i had an amazing driving instructor. She was so helpful and luckily we got on really well, making the whole process easier. If like some i know who do not like their instructor don't be afraid to get a new one or swap, they will not be that offended as they know not everyone has the same taste. Its better to be happy than unhappy.
5. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
Driving like with any skill takes time to perfect, therefore practice driving any way you can. I used to drive my dad to do the food shop every Saturday and drive back from school as well. This helped me get used to the road and other drivers, it made me learn the 15 million eyes you need to be able to see everything you need to be aware off on the road.
I hope this helps relieve anyone of their driving fears and gives you a bit of confidence that you will eventually pass.
If you are far of learning to drive, watch your parents or somebody else drive while you're in the car to see how they do it- it might come in useful later.
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
Saturday 1 October 2016
Why am I so afraid of admitting I have a Period?
Hey Guys,
I know in the past i've contained these rant style blog posts for Thursdays, but this thought can't wait it just keeps spilling out wanting to be written about.. So here it is...Thought of the day...
Why am i embarrassed to have a period?
This thought sprang on me when i was buying reserve period pads for uni...I will not be caught out having a period with no money to spend on such 'luxuries'. Therefore I ,with my mum's permission, took her card out to buy a couple of packets to keep me going.
As I was walking into Tesco, I realised with horror that i was terrified to be buying period pads. The thought kinda amused me for a second as i walked purposefully to the back of the shop where there stock. But my brain kept insisting...Right now, you are embarrassed and almost ashamed to be caught buying such necessities. I kept trying to convince myself i wasn't but now not just my brain but my body was convinced i was embarrassed, walking in a round about direction towards them as if i wasn't going into the shop on the sole purpose of buying them, and then quickly picking them up, after checking no one was watching and shoving them right at the bottom of my basket.
It defies logic for me, why am i afraid to show the world that i am going through a normal bodily function, something that happens to half the population every 28 days or so. Why do i feel ashamed about my body. my period. my femininity.
I could go really deep and feminsisty by breaking it down, having a period is 100 and 10% female. When it first arrives there is always someone telling you 'You're a women now' like a less exciting letter from Hogwarts... Having a period defines many women as they believe it gives them a badge telling others their a women. Periods as childbirth used to be viewed as a mysterious 'women thing'. So is that why i am embarrassed about spending a few quid on pads? It marks me as a women, screams my femininity to anyone who noticed, marks me as someone who is weak/vulnerable at the moment?
I don't know...
Logically and normally i'm proud to be a women, proud to be strong, independent and hopefully sometimes a bit bad ass... So why does something which represent my life as a female bring me so much embarrassment?
It is society's doing, this stigma we've created around periods finally affecting me, subconsciously am i taking in the blue never accurate representation of the adverts how periods should be hidden so no one ever knows, like a horrible secret. Me flaunting my purchases revokes the way society deals with it, how dare i buy pads, i should be hiding this natural function.
I am still questioning why i feel so embarrassed about my period... I hope i'm not alone.
Anyway,
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
I know in the past i've contained these rant style blog posts for Thursdays, but this thought can't wait it just keeps spilling out wanting to be written about.. So here it is...Thought of the day...
Why am i embarrassed to have a period?
This thought sprang on me when i was buying reserve period pads for uni...I will not be caught out having a period with no money to spend on such 'luxuries'. Therefore I ,with my mum's permission, took her card out to buy a couple of packets to keep me going.
As I was walking into Tesco, I realised with horror that i was terrified to be buying period pads. The thought kinda amused me for a second as i walked purposefully to the back of the shop where there stock. But my brain kept insisting...Right now, you are embarrassed and almost ashamed to be caught buying such necessities. I kept trying to convince myself i wasn't but now not just my brain but my body was convinced i was embarrassed, walking in a round about direction towards them as if i wasn't going into the shop on the sole purpose of buying them, and then quickly picking them up, after checking no one was watching and shoving them right at the bottom of my basket.
It defies logic for me, why am i afraid to show the world that i am going through a normal bodily function, something that happens to half the population every 28 days or so. Why do i feel ashamed about my body. my period. my femininity.
I could go really deep and feminsisty by breaking it down, having a period is 100 and 10% female. When it first arrives there is always someone telling you 'You're a women now' like a less exciting letter from Hogwarts... Having a period defines many women as they believe it gives them a badge telling others their a women. Periods as childbirth used to be viewed as a mysterious 'women thing'. So is that why i am embarrassed about spending a few quid on pads? It marks me as a women, screams my femininity to anyone who noticed, marks me as someone who is weak/vulnerable at the moment?
I don't know...
Logically and normally i'm proud to be a women, proud to be strong, independent and hopefully sometimes a bit bad ass... So why does something which represent my life as a female bring me so much embarrassment?
It is society's doing, this stigma we've created around periods finally affecting me, subconsciously am i taking in the blue never accurate representation of the adverts how periods should be hidden so no one ever knows, like a horrible secret. Me flaunting my purchases revokes the way society deals with it, how dare i buy pads, i should be hiding this natural function.
I am still questioning why i feel so embarrassed about my period... I hope i'm not alone.
Anyway,
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
Friday 23 September 2016
Updated Sneak Peak into My Jewellery
Hey Guys,
Quite a while a go i did a blogpost on my most worn pieces of Jewellery and since then my collection has grown, changed and adjusted so i thought toady i would share some of my favourite pieces with you.
If there was only one way of wearing jewellery i would only wear necklaces. Everyday i wear my Tudor rose necklace, and so i'm a little addicted to necklaces so i have quite a few. This one was my 18th birthday gift from my grandparents, as the only thing i asked for was a suffragette necklace, which i got. This necklace is thought to be a suffragette jewellery as it contains white, green and purple/ violet gems...Code for Give Women the Vote. I admire the suffragettes immensely as they were all so brave and fearless and if i could have a small fraction of their determination and courage in order to help the word, i would be so happy. This necklace is so lovely i like to wear it over jumpers as it come to just the right length.
What a surprise, another necklace, this again was an 18th present, this time from my aunt, i wore this in the summer as an alternative to my Tudor Rose necklace as it went really well with a top i had. I like this necklace as i love silver jewellery and this is such a nice, simple and classic necklace to wear if i don't want to wear to much jewellery. I like the little R stamped on to it as although it is my initial it also can stand for Ravenclaw or Rivers or anything else you know beginning with R...
Quite a while a go i did a blogpost on my most worn pieces of Jewellery and since then my collection has grown, changed and adjusted so i thought toady i would share some of my favourite pieces with you.
One of my most worn pieces of jewellery is my Pandora bracelet, this was originally my 16th birthday, as i got the bracelet and the charm furthest to the left as my present. Since then my family and i have been working hard and now my bracelet is pretty much full. Since my last blog post i have brought the good luck coin with my first pay check before my A2s. As shown last time the rabbit and crown were a Christmas present from my parents and the hot air balloon was my treat to myself after GCSEs. Most recently were these two charms the fleur de lis and the Aries charm which my parents got me as a results day gift and a getting in to Uni gift. The final clip was my 17th birthday present from my grandma as it is a daisy which is the flower of April, when my birthday is. This list shows why i love Pandora so much as it is a collection of gifts and stories, i like how people in my life give me different charms and each means something. I wear this bracelet so much and it is so comfy for me. If you are looking for a charm bracelet that people can add things on, definitely go for Pandora as they are just really high quality and i love it.
Lastly... It's a necklace, wow. This is one of my favourite piece of jewellery. This was my 18th birthday present from my parents and i love it. The opal is so pretty and the necklace is so elegant and simple which is right up my alley as i like simple and classic jewellery designs. I'm not a massive fan of modern jewellery so this a pre-owned vintage necklace. I'm so glad me and my dad decided to buy this as we walked passed it an i had to stop and look at it for a while and everywhere we went we kept referring back to it. I wore this at my end of school ball and every time i wear it i get so many compliments, its just so lovely.
I hope you enjoy this sneak peak and i'm sure you have so many special piece like i do in your collection.
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
Friday 16 September 2016
Book Review- The Cursed Child
Hey Guys,
I recently read The Cursed Child as I have definitely caught the Harry Potter Bug recently after finally getting round to finish reading the series. So I thought I'd carry this new fascination on to reading the new play 'The Cursed Child'. Now I have heard some mixed reviews about this, some vehemently dislike it others ,myself included, really enjoyed it.
This play is right up my ally, i am a sucker for epilogues and fan fictions that take the characters and put them in different places with new problems. For those who haven't read it the play is based around Harry Potter's son Albus Severus Potter ( I know it's a ridiculous name) who feels like the 'Cursed Child' in his house as he is sort off the odd one out. Without spoiling the play he goes on adventures with his only friend Scorpius Malfoy ( A Potter and a Malfoy are friends...What ever is next)
For those who have read it, will know the crazy and insane things that happen, and i kind of loved that, the 'weird' things for me represent the wizarding world where literally anything could happen. I also really loved the 'villain' in this, for me it literally came out of nowhere and i honestly believed the character was completely innocent for over half the book.
I think i also really like the play because the characters for me were really interesting. I connected a lot more with Albus than i sometimes did with Harry in the original series and because it was a play every dialogue Albus has is meant to show you parts of his personality that would normally be described in a novel, and i really like that because Albus is then as a character more open to interpretation. When you read this Scorpius Malfoy will have your heart straight away, he is the sweetest, loyal and lovely character, there are parts where he shows his capacity for evil but most of him is focused on having adventures with friends, which is all he ever wanted.
One of my favourite thing about the play was Harry's nightmares and night terrors, i think that shows how deeply the war and the constant struggle for 8 years with Voldermort damaged him. It gives each character something else and thats why i really liked it, it was a continuation of these characters, exploring them differently and changing them up, which is one of my favourite thing to read.
I am beyond excited to see how they are going to stage and act this play... But if you haven't got tickets or want to revisit
the Harry Potter world or even see what all the hype is about, I would 100% recommend reading the play as it was something i really enjoyed.
Hope you do too.
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
Wednesday 7 September 2016
Elizabeth Ist and her Portraits
Hey Guys,
SO today ( the 7th of September) is Elizabeth the 1st birthday. She for those of you who are familiar was a Tudor monarch who ruled England from 1558-1603. I think that although she did have some flaws she was a pretty great monarch, especially in the style department. Therefore i wanted to share with you today some of my favourite portraits of Elizabeth and even analyse a couple.
1. The Coronation Portrait.
Now this is one of her lesser known portraits. Now, you might be wondering, what on earth is in her hands... Which is a wooden sieve. Basically like the pearls Elizabeth always wore, this sieve is another image of virginal status, as it comes from a story when a women showed her purity by carrying water in a sieve and none came out. ( Or so I believe). Therefore this portrait shows how obvious Elizabeth's imagery can be, literally the sieve is the only focal point of this portrait so it like she is highlighting to everyone "Look How pure i am..."
4.
SO today ( the 7th of September) is Elizabeth the 1st birthday. She for those of you who are familiar was a Tudor monarch who ruled England from 1558-1603. I think that although she did have some flaws she was a pretty great monarch, especially in the style department. Therefore i wanted to share with you today some of my favourite portraits of Elizabeth and even analyse a couple.
1. The Coronation Portrait.
This portrait is one of my absolute favourite of hers, you might have seen glimpses in the latest drama series about Victoria. I don't know why i love this portrait so much but i just love how apologetically regal she looks, painted in full garb with orb, sceptre and crown she is basically sticking a middle finger up at anyone who doesn't believe women can rule and is proving that she is every inch a queen.
2.
This is one of the earliest full portraits of just Elizabeth and is one of the first portraits i saw. David Starkey did a really interesting analysis of this portrait as he said she is of course with the bible open behind her and her hand marking the place in a book showing scholarly and pious attributes. But he pointed out the french hood pushed back, the bed canopy open behind her and her intense eyes remind or have hints at her mother's provocative nature.
3.
4.
The rainbow portrait. This is one of my favourite portraits of Elizabeth, because i feel it is a portrait of her just throwing shade across all of her courtiers. Elizabeth here, is wearing a gown covered in eyes and ears, which translates as saying she can hear and see all in the country. Not only that but this portrait is full of symbolism, the snake on her sleeve represents wisdom, it has a heart in its mouth showing Elizabeth lets wisdom rule her heart. She is also holding a rainbow (hence the rainbow portrait) which implies peace, showing that she is literally holding peace and prosperity.
5.
Lastly, the infamous Armada portrait. The crown, hand on the globe, scenes of the Armada being destroyed and her fantastic gown all scream images of royalty and queen-ship. The still image links to the medals which had the phrase: "God blew and the where scattered" as it shows the English fleet serenely sitting on still water. The fan is a classic Elizabeth symbol of royalty and elegance.
hope you enjoyed this little post full of portraits,
Enjoy, Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
Monday 5 September 2016
Guide Back to School- Dyslexic Addition
Hey Guys,
If you don't know for all my life i have suffered with the horror that is dyslexia.
Dyslexia if you are not familiar is a learning disability that google defines as:
"a general term for disorders that involve difficulty in learning to read or interpret words, letters, and other symbols, but that do not affect general intelligence."
And this means it really affects life when you are at school.
Finally as i have finished school, I am able to escape the hell it created, but that means many of you are still suffering through school, made especially hard if you too suffer with dyslexia. Therefore i have decided to give you a few top tips if you are in need of help.
1, Get Tested.
The first thing to do if you fee like you have any sort of learning disability, get tested. Therefore you can understand exactly what you have and what you can do to combat it. Getting tested is easily, go and organise a meeting with an educational physcologist They will do really easy brain test and IQ test, don't worry about that.
2. Speak to your teachers
Some problems can arise when your teachers believe you are being stupid or lazy- which you are not you are just trying to be a normal human. Speaking to your teacher so you can highlight the areas you have problems with whether it be reading, writing or numbers. If you can get your teachers on board life will become a lot more easier.
3. Find a way to revise
What i found hardest about dyslexia was my memory, that meant i have to start to revise a lot earlier than others- i;m talking October rather than when they start in like blooming May! I revise by A5 notebooks which i right summaries of all topics, and then to increasingly amounts of practise exams and essays.
4. Have the right equipment
If your handwriting is messy or takes you quite a while, see if you can get computer in exam, or at the very least 25% extra time. This will help make the HORROR that is exams, they are literally designed by Satan.
( If you can't tell. I hate exams)
5. Plan essays
This was the best thing for me, although you will always have the comments of can you plan your essays despite the fact you do, planning essays means you structure is a least on point. Planning is so important and without it my essays would be such a mess, so planning is a massive necessity just for getting all your ideas down in a coherent way.
I hope this helps anyone going into the horror of school tomorrow!
Good Luck
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
If you don't know for all my life i have suffered with the horror that is dyslexia.
Dyslexia if you are not familiar is a learning disability that google defines as:
"a general term for disorders that involve difficulty in learning to read or interpret words, letters, and other symbols, but that do not affect general intelligence."
And this means it really affects life when you are at school.
Finally as i have finished school, I am able to escape the hell it created, but that means many of you are still suffering through school, made especially hard if you too suffer with dyslexia. Therefore i have decided to give you a few top tips if you are in need of help.
1, Get Tested.
The first thing to do if you fee like you have any sort of learning disability, get tested. Therefore you can understand exactly what you have and what you can do to combat it. Getting tested is easily, go and organise a meeting with an educational physcologist They will do really easy brain test and IQ test, don't worry about that.
2. Speak to your teachers
Some problems can arise when your teachers believe you are being stupid or lazy- which you are not you are just trying to be a normal human. Speaking to your teacher so you can highlight the areas you have problems with whether it be reading, writing or numbers. If you can get your teachers on board life will become a lot more easier.
3. Find a way to revise
What i found hardest about dyslexia was my memory, that meant i have to start to revise a lot earlier than others- i;m talking October rather than when they start in like blooming May! I revise by A5 notebooks which i right summaries of all topics, and then to increasingly amounts of practise exams and essays.
4. Have the right equipment
If your handwriting is messy or takes you quite a while, see if you can get computer in exam, or at the very least 25% extra time. This will help make the HORROR that is exams, they are literally designed by Satan.
( If you can't tell. I hate exams)
5. Plan essays
This was the best thing for me, although you will always have the comments of can you plan your essays despite the fact you do, planning essays means you structure is a least on point. Planning is so important and without it my essays would be such a mess, so planning is a massive necessity just for getting all your ideas down in a coherent way.
I hope this helps anyone going into the horror of school tomorrow!
Good Luck
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
Thursday 18 August 2016
Thoughts on a Thursday¦ Rejection 101
Hey Guys,
This blog is written in two parts:
Rejection from a job
Rejection from a friend.
I hope this helps anyone facing those things, and even rejection from some other source like University.
It all will be ok in the end
I'm writing this holding back the tears, after failing the one thing i cannot have control over. Rejection. I have yet again been rejected for Waterstones, a job and company i desperately want to work for. I feel like their ethos and my passion for books go hand in hand. However, for the second year in a row, they rejected me. This time i did get further than the email state, so i suppose that is progress.
I hate being rejected as any sane person does. It affects me so deeply, i feel it first in my gut, that overwhelming sense of failure, and stupidity and just loathing for myself, because i did not succeed, i did not successfully achieve my aims and my expectations.
It's the feeling of letting myself down.
Then comes the crashing down of plans. Trips, experiences, memories i had yet to discover but was going to due to this thin, this want, this job, result, aim i had gone for. but yet i failed. i failed completely and utterly
What else could I have done, what could I have changed?
Not only do you face rejection in jobs and work life. but also in friendships. Out of no-where BAM. you get that text or call which just crashes the friendship you created down. The tether you had with that person is cut and you feel lost, abandoned and scared. This for me has happened but for this it is normally not you. It is normally some thing to do with them. They might have been feeling off that morning or something could have gone wrong in their own life. It might have not been anything to do with you. But that does not mean the pain or stab of rejection you feel is any less. In fact believe it is more, because its from someone you really care about, someone you have put time, money, effort and care into. You get rejected from someone you never wanted to be rejected from. The best way i can describe it is like when otters hold hands when they sleep to prevent them floating away, rejection from your best friend, feels like the otter or hand you put all your trust in purposely let go.
Right now i feel like part of really cheesy romantic comedy movie, this rejection part is normally happens at the main characters lowest moments, it takes them awhile but eventually after their rock bottom they become a better version of themselves.
I live in hope that this is what is happening to my friends and I, we are simply trying to live out the scene until one of us, maybe me or maybe them, learns their lessons and we can finally go back to being friends. Those, cheese-ly are always my favourite parts of movies, the section where everything works out... the epilogue.
But until then there's only one thing you can do. You can only be yourself, be the absolute best version of yourself. Then if friends, jobs or universities eject you.Their loss, because you've got to surround yourself with people who accept you as you truly are, unless that thing is harmful and breaks laws.. then probably don't do it...
Rejection is hard as it leads to loss, loss of something you really wanted. The trick is, to now aim higher.
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
This blog is written in two parts:
Rejection from a job
Rejection from a friend.
I hope this helps anyone facing those things, and even rejection from some other source like University.
It all will be ok in the end
I'm writing this holding back the tears, after failing the one thing i cannot have control over. Rejection. I have yet again been rejected for Waterstones, a job and company i desperately want to work for. I feel like their ethos and my passion for books go hand in hand. However, for the second year in a row, they rejected me. This time i did get further than the email state, so i suppose that is progress.
I hate being rejected as any sane person does. It affects me so deeply, i feel it first in my gut, that overwhelming sense of failure, and stupidity and just loathing for myself, because i did not succeed, i did not successfully achieve my aims and my expectations.
It's the feeling of letting myself down.
Then comes the crashing down of plans. Trips, experiences, memories i had yet to discover but was going to due to this thin, this want, this job, result, aim i had gone for. but yet i failed. i failed completely and utterly
What else could I have done, what could I have changed?
Not only do you face rejection in jobs and work life. but also in friendships. Out of no-where BAM. you get that text or call which just crashes the friendship you created down. The tether you had with that person is cut and you feel lost, abandoned and scared. This for me has happened but for this it is normally not you. It is normally some thing to do with them. They might have been feeling off that morning or something could have gone wrong in their own life. It might have not been anything to do with you. But that does not mean the pain or stab of rejection you feel is any less. In fact believe it is more, because its from someone you really care about, someone you have put time, money, effort and care into. You get rejected from someone you never wanted to be rejected from. The best way i can describe it is like when otters hold hands when they sleep to prevent them floating away, rejection from your best friend, feels like the otter or hand you put all your trust in purposely let go.
Right now i feel like part of really cheesy romantic comedy movie, this rejection part is normally happens at the main characters lowest moments, it takes them awhile but eventually after their rock bottom they become a better version of themselves.
I live in hope that this is what is happening to my friends and I, we are simply trying to live out the scene until one of us, maybe me or maybe them, learns their lessons and we can finally go back to being friends. Those, cheese-ly are always my favourite parts of movies, the section where everything works out... the epilogue.
But until then there's only one thing you can do. You can only be yourself, be the absolute best version of yourself. Then if friends, jobs or universities eject you.Their loss, because you've got to surround yourself with people who accept you as you truly are, unless that thing is harmful and breaks laws.. then probably don't do it...
Rejection is hard as it leads to loss, loss of something you really wanted. The trick is, to now aim higher.
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
Thursday 11 August 2016
The Tale of a Very Particular City
Hey Guys,
This post goes hand in hand with my latest video on my channel ( Channel linked here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbYZcLGV0CYSyF_NRH3bKwQ )
They both re-tell my recent excursion into London to go and see Jack and Dean Live.
My Video tells you the 3 less than
ideal situations that occurred because of this trip... So if you want to watch me cringing while i tell you... I hope you enjoy.
However, this blogpost is a lot more positive. I want to talk about the London trip not as a series of awkward events but as a triumph, a personal victory over that stupid enemy anxiety.
I'm sure man of you face anxiety or at least get anxious on a day to day basis, which is what happens to me.
I get way inside my head and think that anything not happening inside my house is scary. This becomes problematic when it holds me back from doing something i really want to do, like going and seeing Jack and Dean Live. So I took a spontaneous adventure. I booked it. I did it. And here i want to break it down and tell you how and why i managed to do it for any one else who might be struggling.
1. Travel Anxiety.
This is the main one for me, as someone who is only calm when they can control things, putting my trust in trains and not being completely sure what platform they get off, is a massive thing for me. However, the train gods have looked down on us poor anxious mortals and bestowed 'The National Rail App'. It is amazing, as because i live in the middle of nowhere with the only station a good 4 mile walk away with 2 small platforms i knew, at some point, i was going to have to make a change of train. Funnily enough this was the thing i was most anxious about... Changing trains. But the national rail app helps that, it tells you what platforms the train stops at and what time it will reach each platform. It also tells you what platform it will arrive at and show you which platform your next train will leave from. I used it for my train changes at it was amazing it made the whole thing so much simpler and took a lot of the stress out.
Therefore if your main concern in train travel is changing trains or to do with trains download the National Rail App as i will definitely help out sorting through trains.
2. Tube Anxiety.
This is something you can't really combat if your anxiety can be triggered in the crowds in the tube. I would say if you really can't stand crowds, don't travel at peak hours, pick quieter tubes such as Bakerloo Line and stay off Circle and District as they are always busy and always delayed. But defiantly plan your journeys and make yourself aware of a tube map so you roughly know where you're going as this will make your journey a lot smoother.
3. Getting Lost Anxiety.
Again, this is something a glorious app can help with...'Google Maps' not Apple Maps but the trusted Google Maps, this enables you to get directions, it will show you where you need to walk...It's basically a SatNav for walking. I used this to get to the Banqueting House ( which was amazing) and the Soho Theatre to see Jack and Dean (equally as amazing). Google Maps is a London must as instead of guessing if you are walking in the right direction, it actually shows you. If you are still anxious before the journey i found out exactly where i had to go, i planned every journey, knew the length and which streets to go down as a back up as i seriously did not want to get lost.
4. Lastly... People Anxiety.
Again this is something you cannot control, you have to ride the wave. The potential problems that arise for humans can be overwhelming, especially for me. But for this, you have to make the effort. Think about what you are doing and where you are going and how exciting that it going to be. I'm again that feeling of achievement and pride in what you have done. Honestly that feeling of meeting Jack, Dean, Hazel, Dodie and Dan was so amazing, i wouldn't have swapped it for the world. Therefore what ever you're doing will create that sense of pride within you as well. So take the plunge and go for it.
I hope this helps any of you about to take a ride either into the Big Smoke or any other scary city. Beleive me, once you have done it... It is not scary at all.
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
This post goes hand in hand with my latest video on my channel ( Channel linked here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbYZcLGV0CYSyF_NRH3bKwQ )
They both re-tell my recent excursion into London to go and see Jack and Dean Live.
My Video tells you the 3 less than
ideal situations that occurred because of this trip... So if you want to watch me cringing while i tell you... I hope you enjoy.
However, this blogpost is a lot more positive. I want to talk about the London trip not as a series of awkward events but as a triumph, a personal victory over that stupid enemy anxiety.
I'm sure man of you face anxiety or at least get anxious on a day to day basis, which is what happens to me.
I get way inside my head and think that anything not happening inside my house is scary. This becomes problematic when it holds me back from doing something i really want to do, like going and seeing Jack and Dean Live. So I took a spontaneous adventure. I booked it. I did it. And here i want to break it down and tell you how and why i managed to do it for any one else who might be struggling.
1. Travel Anxiety.
This is the main one for me, as someone who is only calm when they can control things, putting my trust in trains and not being completely sure what platform they get off, is a massive thing for me. However, the train gods have looked down on us poor anxious mortals and bestowed 'The National Rail App'. It is amazing, as because i live in the middle of nowhere with the only station a good 4 mile walk away with 2 small platforms i knew, at some point, i was going to have to make a change of train. Funnily enough this was the thing i was most anxious about... Changing trains. But the national rail app helps that, it tells you what platforms the train stops at and what time it will reach each platform. It also tells you what platform it will arrive at and show you which platform your next train will leave from. I used it for my train changes at it was amazing it made the whole thing so much simpler and took a lot of the stress out.
Therefore if your main concern in train travel is changing trains or to do with trains download the National Rail App as i will definitely help out sorting through trains.
2. Tube Anxiety.
This is something you can't really combat if your anxiety can be triggered in the crowds in the tube. I would say if you really can't stand crowds, don't travel at peak hours, pick quieter tubes such as Bakerloo Line and stay off Circle and District as they are always busy and always delayed. But defiantly plan your journeys and make yourself aware of a tube map so you roughly know where you're going as this will make your journey a lot smoother.
3. Getting Lost Anxiety.
Again, this is something a glorious app can help with...'Google Maps' not Apple Maps but the trusted Google Maps, this enables you to get directions, it will show you where you need to walk...It's basically a SatNav for walking. I used this to get to the Banqueting House ( which was amazing) and the Soho Theatre to see Jack and Dean (equally as amazing). Google Maps is a London must as instead of guessing if you are walking in the right direction, it actually shows you. If you are still anxious before the journey i found out exactly where i had to go, i planned every journey, knew the length and which streets to go down as a back up as i seriously did not want to get lost.
4. Lastly... People Anxiety.
Again this is something you cannot control, you have to ride the wave. The potential problems that arise for humans can be overwhelming, especially for me. But for this, you have to make the effort. Think about what you are doing and where you are going and how exciting that it going to be. I'm again that feeling of achievement and pride in what you have done. Honestly that feeling of meeting Jack, Dean, Hazel, Dodie and Dan was so amazing, i wouldn't have swapped it for the world. Therefore what ever you're doing will create that sense of pride within you as well. So take the plunge and go for it.
I hope this helps any of you about to take a ride either into the Big Smoke or any other scary city. Beleive me, once you have done it... It is not scary at all.
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
Monday 1 August 2016
What I Read¦ On Holiday
Hey Guys,
As you probably saw my posts and videos have been few and far between recently. This is due to the fact that i was on holiday the past 2 weeks, and although Cornwall has the best beaches, ice cream and pastys... it has THE worst WiFi.
But due to the undeniable slowness and disappearing of any chance of Internet it meant i had a hell of a long time to read!
I love reading, its something you can do anywhere and anytime, which transports you to any world imaginable.
On my you tube channel i talked about physical books i read, here i want to talk about books i read on y Kindle.
The Fallen Star Series by Jessica Sorensen
This series of books i downloaded on a whim as the first was free. They're not the best written as the can jump around a little and in some areas it doesn't read as well as other books. However, they are a lovely little fantasy fix. Imagine Twilight meets Mortal Instruments combined with every young adult series ever. It has the stock vampire, moody male love interest, slightly significant female character who has great skills and of course the close off, introverted, innocent main female character. Although these books are predicable and wouldn't be my first fantasy adventure they are a good book to enter a new world and the author does have a few cool ideas. This is because the main character Gemma has never felt emotion for 18 years and slowly begins to which reveals 'a magical power' she has, then she gets caught up in a war against the evil guys ( NO spoilers) and creatures called the 'Death Walkers'. As she id trying to save the world she falls for a guy called Alex....
There are 4 books in the series and if you want a little story, that's easy to read then i would recommend these.
Amy Green by Sarah Webb
Throwing it back now, these books were all i read for a bout 1 year when i was 12. I found them on my kindle and thought i might as well relive them. Yes, they are still as cheesy, predictable as i remember, although now with a hint of hilarity that i was so attached to these books. I already added a few years to the main character Amy as she is doing and achieving things no 13 year old did ( at least i didn't). Therefore i see her more as 17, that way the books were more bearable for me. If your not-so-little-one wants a really easy read, browse through this series. But it was a cute trip down memory lane.
Insurgent by Veronica Roth
The divergent series is a series i constantly dip in and out off, I loved and still love the first book, but the second and especially the third i'm not a massive fan off. I think the first one is so clearly written and the last two are more of a jumble and not as well written. Therefore once i have read and loved the first one i often slow down read the next two books. Insurgent is alright but i do get a little bit bored so i have not finished yet. Although i have read the whole series many a time, I used Insurgent as a bit of a filler in Cornwall rather than a main books. This series is alright if you need a books that's quite easy to read and quick that gives you a different world to escape too.
As you can see there is a theme to these books. They are easy to read, fantasy books. This is because on holiday i like to read books i don't have to think about. I'm on Holiday to relax and i hate trying to force my way and think around complicated ideas, instead i read a lot of books that although have good stories are not the most intellectual. Even so, there good books to switch off which is what holidays are all about.
As you probably saw my posts and videos have been few and far between recently. This is due to the fact that i was on holiday the past 2 weeks, and although Cornwall has the best beaches, ice cream and pastys... it has THE worst WiFi.
But due to the undeniable slowness and disappearing of any chance of Internet it meant i had a hell of a long time to read!
I love reading, its something you can do anywhere and anytime, which transports you to any world imaginable.
On my you tube channel i talked about physical books i read, here i want to talk about books i read on y Kindle.
The Fallen Star Series by Jessica Sorensen
This series of books i downloaded on a whim as the first was free. They're not the best written as the can jump around a little and in some areas it doesn't read as well as other books. However, they are a lovely little fantasy fix. Imagine Twilight meets Mortal Instruments combined with every young adult series ever. It has the stock vampire, moody male love interest, slightly significant female character who has great skills and of course the close off, introverted, innocent main female character. Although these books are predicable and wouldn't be my first fantasy adventure they are a good book to enter a new world and the author does have a few cool ideas. This is because the main character Gemma has never felt emotion for 18 years and slowly begins to which reveals 'a magical power' she has, then she gets caught up in a war against the evil guys ( NO spoilers) and creatures called the 'Death Walkers'. As she id trying to save the world she falls for a guy called Alex....
There are 4 books in the series and if you want a little story, that's easy to read then i would recommend these.
Amy Green by Sarah Webb
Throwing it back now, these books were all i read for a bout 1 year when i was 12. I found them on my kindle and thought i might as well relive them. Yes, they are still as cheesy, predictable as i remember, although now with a hint of hilarity that i was so attached to these books. I already added a few years to the main character Amy as she is doing and achieving things no 13 year old did ( at least i didn't). Therefore i see her more as 17, that way the books were more bearable for me. If your not-so-little-one wants a really easy read, browse through this series. But it was a cute trip down memory lane.
Insurgent by Veronica Roth
The divergent series is a series i constantly dip in and out off, I loved and still love the first book, but the second and especially the third i'm not a massive fan off. I think the first one is so clearly written and the last two are more of a jumble and not as well written. Therefore once i have read and loved the first one i often slow down read the next two books. Insurgent is alright but i do get a little bit bored so i have not finished yet. Although i have read the whole series many a time, I used Insurgent as a bit of a filler in Cornwall rather than a main books. This series is alright if you need a books that's quite easy to read and quick that gives you a different world to escape too.
As you can see there is a theme to these books. They are easy to read, fantasy books. This is because on holiday i like to read books i don't have to think about. I'm on Holiday to relax and i hate trying to force my way and think around complicated ideas, instead i read a lot of books that although have good stories are not the most intellectual. Even so, there good books to switch off which is what holidays are all about.
Thursday 28 July 2016
Thoughts on a Thursday¦ Fear Of Missing Out
Hey Guys,
I have Once Upon a Time playing in the background, a beverage in hand ( aka Water because it is wayyy to hot for hot chocolate) and my hair is tied back.
It must be time for another Thoughts on a Thursday.
As I have become older, I am convinced that life is a series of balances.
In order to be successful, happy and content you need to make sure each part of your life is balanced.
Exercise vs Relaxing
Learning vs Rest
Work vs Fun
Socialising vs Recharging... This is the one i am at the moment struggling with. Due to my introvert nature and my work ethic i will just work and work and work. In my mind hard work will eventually pay off, and if it hasn't then I've got to work harder. This way of living however is not healthy, it means i miss out on activities and memories with my friends. It means i become known as the 'One who works hard' or 'The Introvert'. Sometimes, for me that can be a compliment, I love and get a massive kick out of people complimenting my work ethic ( as I'm sure many of you do). But I have never been able to get that balance right.
It reminds me of physics lessons where we had to try and find the centre of gravity, in each one depending of the weights the centre was different, for me that was easy to figure out, i did the formula and boom, I knew where best to balance it.
In life though, I fail at bit more. This year i tried a bit more to be social,and in some cases it worked. But now. Its all gone belly up. I feel my friends slipping away from me, I literally haven't seen them in a month.... They are all having adventures and annoying life and i'm not there. i'm not with them.
Fear of Missing out or FOMO is something everyone struggles with. Even the most introverted of introverts have this feeling. But its not FOMO its Loneliness. People try so hard to avoid loneliness they give i different names to trick themselves into believing that's not what they're feeling. Like Voldemort and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Loneliness is something difficult to deal with, but there is a difference to being LONELY and being ALONE. You can choose.
If you are feeling in dire need of friendship , try and organise something. Just keeping hinting or setting dates or suggesting parties and get togethers. Make dates you know you will be able to meet them easily so it can be a stress free event for everyone.
If you chose to be on your own, make the most of it, stick on a movie, belt out cheesy songs ( complete with embarrassing dance moves), eat your absolutely favourite food.... When I'm alone the whole house stinks of garlic because I can finally eat it without people complaining.
And Lastly, if your friends aren't making time for you, maybe get some other ones. Go outside, meet people hunting for Pokemon, If you're over aged go to a bar and talk at a music night or quiz night.
If your are feeling lonely DO NOT over think it. Don't read 'They Hate me' whenever your friends comment on a Facebook picture without you, or make plans, or go somewhere without you. They don't hate you, but if it is a worry talk to them about it communicate more, friendships are so much better when everyone is one the same page.
Hope this helps,
Love your fellow confused introvert,
LadyoftheRivers x
( Sorry if this was to self-focused...Still trying to find the balance with these!)
I have Once Upon a Time playing in the background, a beverage in hand ( aka Water because it is wayyy to hot for hot chocolate) and my hair is tied back.
It must be time for another Thoughts on a Thursday.
As I have become older, I am convinced that life is a series of balances.
In order to be successful, happy and content you need to make sure each part of your life is balanced.
Exercise vs Relaxing
Learning vs Rest
Work vs Fun
Socialising vs Recharging... This is the one i am at the moment struggling with. Due to my introvert nature and my work ethic i will just work and work and work. In my mind hard work will eventually pay off, and if it hasn't then I've got to work harder. This way of living however is not healthy, it means i miss out on activities and memories with my friends. It means i become known as the 'One who works hard' or 'The Introvert'. Sometimes, for me that can be a compliment, I love and get a massive kick out of people complimenting my work ethic ( as I'm sure many of you do). But I have never been able to get that balance right.
It reminds me of physics lessons where we had to try and find the centre of gravity, in each one depending of the weights the centre was different, for me that was easy to figure out, i did the formula and boom, I knew where best to balance it.
In life though, I fail at bit more. This year i tried a bit more to be social,and in some cases it worked. But now. Its all gone belly up. I feel my friends slipping away from me, I literally haven't seen them in a month.... They are all having adventures and annoying life and i'm not there. i'm not with them.
Fear of Missing out or FOMO is something everyone struggles with. Even the most introverted of introverts have this feeling. But its not FOMO its Loneliness. People try so hard to avoid loneliness they give i different names to trick themselves into believing that's not what they're feeling. Like Voldemort and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Loneliness is something difficult to deal with, but there is a difference to being LONELY and being ALONE. You can choose.
If you are feeling in dire need of friendship , try and organise something. Just keeping hinting or setting dates or suggesting parties and get togethers. Make dates you know you will be able to meet them easily so it can be a stress free event for everyone.
If you chose to be on your own, make the most of it, stick on a movie, belt out cheesy songs ( complete with embarrassing dance moves), eat your absolutely favourite food.... When I'm alone the whole house stinks of garlic because I can finally eat it without people complaining.
And Lastly, if your friends aren't making time for you, maybe get some other ones. Go outside, meet people hunting for Pokemon, If you're over aged go to a bar and talk at a music night or quiz night.
If your are feeling lonely DO NOT over think it. Don't read 'They Hate me' whenever your friends comment on a Facebook picture without you, or make plans, or go somewhere without you. They don't hate you, but if it is a worry talk to them about it communicate more, friendships are so much better when everyone is one the same page.
Hope this helps,
Love your fellow confused introvert,
LadyoftheRivers x
( Sorry if this was to self-focused...Still trying to find the balance with these!)
Thoughts on a Thursday¦ Fear Of Missing Out
Hey Guys,
I have Once Upon a Time playing in the background, a beverage in hand ( aka Water because it is wayyy to hot for hot chocolate) and my hair is tied back.
It must be time for another Thoughts on a Thursday.
As I have become older, I am convinced that life is a series of balances.
In order to be successful, happy and content you need to make sure each part of your life is balanced.
Exercise vs Relaxing
Learning vs Rest
Work vs Fun
Socialising vs Recharging... This is the one i am at the moment struggling with. Due to my introvert nature and my work ethic i will just work and work and work. In my mind hard work will eventually pay off, and if it hasn't then I've got to work harder. This way of living however is not healthy, it means i miss out on activities and memories with my friends. It means i become known as the 'One who works hard' or 'The Introvert'. Sometimes, for me that can be a compliment, I love and get a massive kick out of people complimenting my work ethic ( as I'm sure many of you do). But I have never been able to get that balance right.
It reminds me of physics lessons where we had to try and find the centre of gravity, in each one depending of the weights the centre was different, for me that was easy to figure out, i did the formula and boom, I knew where best to balance it.
In life though, I fail at bit more. This year i tried a bit more to be social,and in some cases it worked. But now. Its all gone belly up. I feel my friends slipping away from me, I literally haven't seen them in a month.... They are all having adventures and annoying life and i'm not there. i'm not with them.
Fear of Missing out or FOMO is something everyone struggles with. Even the most introverted of introverts have this feeling. But its not FOMO its Loneliness. People try so hard to avoid loneliness they give i different names to trick themselves into believing that's not what they're feeling. Like Voldemort and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Loneliness is something difficult to deal with, but there is a difference to being LONELY and being ALONE. You can choose.
If you are feeling in dire need of friendship , try and organise something. Just keeping hinting or setting dates or suggesting parties and get togethers. Make dates you know you will be able to meet them easily so it can be a stress free event for everyone.
If you chose to be on your own, make the most of it, stick on a movie, belt out cheesy songs ( complete with embarrassing dance moves), eat your absolutely favourite food.... When I'm alone the whole house stinks of garlic because I can finally eat it without people complaining.
And Lastly, if your friends aren't making time for you, maybe get some other ones. Go outside, meet people hunting for Pokemon, If you're over aged go to a bar and talk at a music night or quiz night.
If your are feeling lonely DO NOT over think it. Don't read 'They Hate me' whenever your friends comment on a Facebook picture without you, or make plans, or go somewhere without you. They don't hate you, but if it is a worry talk to them about it communicate more, friendships are so much better when everyone is one the same page.
Hope this helps,
Love your fellow confused introvert,
LadyoftheRivers x
( Sorry if this was to self-focused...Still trying to find the balance with these!)
I have Once Upon a Time playing in the background, a beverage in hand ( aka Water because it is wayyy to hot for hot chocolate) and my hair is tied back.
It must be time for another Thoughts on a Thursday.
As I have become older, I am convinced that life is a series of balances.
In order to be successful, happy and content you need to make sure each part of your life is balanced.
Exercise vs Relaxing
Learning vs Rest
Work vs Fun
Socialising vs Recharging... This is the one i am at the moment struggling with. Due to my introvert nature and my work ethic i will just work and work and work. In my mind hard work will eventually pay off, and if it hasn't then I've got to work harder. This way of living however is not healthy, it means i miss out on activities and memories with my friends. It means i become known as the 'One who works hard' or 'The Introvert'. Sometimes, for me that can be a compliment, I love and get a massive kick out of people complimenting my work ethic ( as I'm sure many of you do). But I have never been able to get that balance right.
It reminds me of physics lessons where we had to try and find the centre of gravity, in each one depending of the weights the centre was different, for me that was easy to figure out, i did the formula and boom, I knew where best to balance it.
In life though, I fail at bit more. This year i tried a bit more to be social,and in some cases it worked. But now. Its all gone belly up. I feel my friends slipping away from me, I literally haven't seen them in a month.... They are all having adventures and annoying life and i'm not there. i'm not with them.
Fear of Missing out or FOMO is something everyone struggles with. Even the most introverted of introverts have this feeling. But its not FOMO its Loneliness. People try so hard to avoid loneliness they give i different names to trick themselves into believing that's not what they're feeling. Like Voldemort and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Loneliness is something difficult to deal with, but there is a difference to being LONELY and being ALONE. You can choose.
If you are feeling in dire need of friendship , try and organise something. Just keeping hinting or setting dates or suggesting parties and get togethers. Make dates you know you will be able to meet them easily so it can be a stress free event for everyone.
If you chose to be on your own, make the most of it, stick on a movie, belt out cheesy songs ( complete with embarrassing dance moves), eat your absolutely favourite food.... When I'm alone the whole house stinks of garlic because I can finally eat it without people complaining.
And Lastly, if your friends aren't making time for you, maybe get some other ones. Go outside, meet people hunting for Pokemon, If you're over aged go to a bar and talk at a music night or quiz night.
If your are feeling lonely DO NOT over think it. Don't read 'They Hate me' whenever your friends comment on a Facebook picture without you, or make plans, or go somewhere without you. They don't hate you, but if it is a worry talk to them about it communicate more, friendships are so much better when everyone is one the same page.
Hope this helps,
Love your fellow confused introvert,
LadyoftheRivers x
( Sorry if this was to self-focused...Still trying to find the balance with these!)
Thursday 7 July 2016
Thoughts on a Thursday¦ Holding on and Letting go
Hey Guys,
I have found the rubbish side of summer. My friends are leaving. Although this is normally a regular occurrence friends jutting off everywhere to go and enjoy exotic holidays round the world, now we have left school, some are leaving forever.
And I will miss them.
I will miss the small, seemingly mundane conversations we'd have bleary eyed in the mornings, the random inside jokes that were created and forgotten almost instantly and just the feeling of having them around.
Although I know i will stay in touch with many, it won't be the same.
As someone who prides themselves at being up for change in the face of those adverse to it, i retned like often i'm ok etting go of friends. I then ineveitably loose touch, forget about them as i get caught up in the next project... Each time i vow that i wouldn't lose touch with this one, or that one. And one by one i do. I'm also really bad a texting back.
Letting go is always something people struggle with. There seems only to be 2 extremes. Not letting go enough or letting go too much. Both of these are me, I both let people go way to easily especially if they've done something to hurt me but then, i don't let go enough to let that person actually evolve.
And that is what i have to do now. I have to release this tight grip i have and let them go, let them actually start to evolve and transform into the people i know they can become.
I have a quote on my wall by C.S. Lewis, not just because he's an amazing writer but because the quote sums up the importance of 'letting go'
I have found the rubbish side of summer. My friends are leaving. Although this is normally a regular occurrence friends jutting off everywhere to go and enjoy exotic holidays round the world, now we have left school, some are leaving forever.
And I will miss them.
I will miss the small, seemingly mundane conversations we'd have bleary eyed in the mornings, the random inside jokes that were created and forgotten almost instantly and just the feeling of having them around.
Although I know i will stay in touch with many, it won't be the same.
As someone who prides themselves at being up for change in the face of those adverse to it, i retned like often i'm ok etting go of friends. I then ineveitably loose touch, forget about them as i get caught up in the next project... Each time i vow that i wouldn't lose touch with this one, or that one. And one by one i do. I'm also really bad a texting back.
Letting go is always something people struggle with. There seems only to be 2 extremes. Not letting go enough or letting go too much. Both of these are me, I both let people go way to easily especially if they've done something to hurt me but then, i don't let go enough to let that person actually evolve.
And that is what i have to do now. I have to release this tight grip i have and let them go, let them actually start to evolve and transform into the people i know they can become.
I have a quote on my wall by C.S. Lewis, not just because he's an amazing writer but because the quote sums up the importance of 'letting go'
"There are far, far, better things ahead, than any we leave behind"
However, you will notice that this blogpost is not simply entitled 'letting go' but also focuses on 'holding on' ( Something Elsa from Frozen did not do as she 'Let it Go'
Holding on for me is potent. I hold onto the wrong things, regret, guilt and all that marlakery. instead of going out with my friends and wnjoying myself, i hold on to the feeling of apphrension and fear i have.
By holding on to these negative feelings it means i miss out. I miss out on being that 'fun freind' instead i become a burden.
i'm unable to let anything go because i', holding on so tightly to my feelings of what others think of me.
SO that's what i want to encourage you the reader to do. Let go, let go of holding on. let go to the standards society is trying to hold you up against. Because then, maybe just maybe we can finally let our hair down a bit and enjoy our selves.
Life's short. Let's let it go.
Love,
LadyoftheRivers
Monday 4 July 2016
Feminism Diary 2016
Hey Guys,
This post goes hand in hand with my video this week linked here:( https://youtu.be/nmZ2AKMONFc)
I wanted to make a video and post about my 'feminism diary' because i wanted to document my thoughts, feelings and ideas around feminism at this time in my life. Through looking back through old blogposts i have seen how much my knowledge and opinions have expanded and changed about many subjects not only feminism but also history, politics and general life-ness. This has led me wanting to pinpoint where i am now and where I want to head towards in the future.
In my video i focused more on where I wanted expand and improve my feminism but on my blog I want to focus on where and how I decided to become and label myself as a feminist.
Like many of you, at a young age i didn't know the word feminism let alone what it meant. But unlike many i fortunately had a very supportive, open minded and progressive family. My mum when i was small used to change pronouns when she read to me. This is because she believed ungendered objects such as toys and cars should not automatically be labelled as 'he'. This gives the impression of the open-minded attitude i had surrounding me, which unfortunately many do not have the luxury and privilege of having. My family bubble of thinking everyone was treated equally continued I hardly faced any outright sexism in primary school, that i can remember, and my life goal at this time to be a builder was surprisingly supported and celebrated. However, this happy little bubble was soon popped when i started to move out of my sleepy little village and into a bigger,scarier school. The first discrimination i faced was not due to my gender but my class. i was suddenly attending a school where people had money. Not normal amounts like my family did but serious money. My rough around the edges accent and blindness to the upper class way of doing things left those around me with lots of material to pick up on and to highlight the differences between us. Although this was never serious it did start me questioning my optimistic and happy ideal of the world.
Things started to really turn when i got into to politics and history. As weird as it sounds as i was reading and learning more about the Tudors I started to draw similarities between their society and ours. I started to notice how women were treated as lesser citizens, I read horrifying stories online about women being treated appallingly. My bubble was well and truly burst. Instead of doing what others around me did when their bubble burst of trying to make or fit into a new one, I examined and read further about these inequalities i was too face. I discovered the wage gap, everyday sexism, discrimination. I learnt about inequalities i would never face FGM, child marriage. These lead me to think, why is no fighting back? why are people letting this happen?
That's when i discovered feminism. I discovered this army of people valiantly trying to make this world more equal.
Unfortunately at this time my feminism lacked intersectionality despite doing presentations and writing essays about it in school, my feminism still was very foucsed on me. What challenges am I going to face, what can I do to make MY life better.
Recently there is where I have tried to shift my feminism too, moving it away from me and on to those who across the world only dream of the life i lead. I want to use my voice and my privilege to improve their lives and their position.
I hope we can succeed in that.
Love,
LadyodtheRivers
This post goes hand in hand with my video this week linked here:( https://youtu.be/nmZ2AKMONFc)
I wanted to make a video and post about my 'feminism diary' because i wanted to document my thoughts, feelings and ideas around feminism at this time in my life. Through looking back through old blogposts i have seen how much my knowledge and opinions have expanded and changed about many subjects not only feminism but also history, politics and general life-ness. This has led me wanting to pinpoint where i am now and where I want to head towards in the future.
In my video i focused more on where I wanted expand and improve my feminism but on my blog I want to focus on where and how I decided to become and label myself as a feminist.
Like many of you, at a young age i didn't know the word feminism let alone what it meant. But unlike many i fortunately had a very supportive, open minded and progressive family. My mum when i was small used to change pronouns when she read to me. This is because she believed ungendered objects such as toys and cars should not automatically be labelled as 'he'. This gives the impression of the open-minded attitude i had surrounding me, which unfortunately many do not have the luxury and privilege of having. My family bubble of thinking everyone was treated equally continued I hardly faced any outright sexism in primary school, that i can remember, and my life goal at this time to be a builder was surprisingly supported and celebrated. However, this happy little bubble was soon popped when i started to move out of my sleepy little village and into a bigger,scarier school. The first discrimination i faced was not due to my gender but my class. i was suddenly attending a school where people had money. Not normal amounts like my family did but serious money. My rough around the edges accent and blindness to the upper class way of doing things left those around me with lots of material to pick up on and to highlight the differences between us. Although this was never serious it did start me questioning my optimistic and happy ideal of the world.
Things started to really turn when i got into to politics and history. As weird as it sounds as i was reading and learning more about the Tudors I started to draw similarities between their society and ours. I started to notice how women were treated as lesser citizens, I read horrifying stories online about women being treated appallingly. My bubble was well and truly burst. Instead of doing what others around me did when their bubble burst of trying to make or fit into a new one, I examined and read further about these inequalities i was too face. I discovered the wage gap, everyday sexism, discrimination. I learnt about inequalities i would never face FGM, child marriage. These lead me to think, why is no fighting back? why are people letting this happen?
That's when i discovered feminism. I discovered this army of people valiantly trying to make this world more equal.
Unfortunately at this time my feminism lacked intersectionality despite doing presentations and writing essays about it in school, my feminism still was very foucsed on me. What challenges am I going to face, what can I do to make MY life better.
Recently there is where I have tried to shift my feminism too, moving it away from me and on to those who across the world only dream of the life i lead. I want to use my voice and my privilege to improve their lives and their position.
I hope we can succeed in that.
Love,
LadyodtheRivers
Thursday 30 June 2016
Thoughts on a Thursday¦ Attitude
Hey Guys,
Now that I have finished exams, my attitude has changed immensely.
Rather than my attitude being a mindset of: do this, do that, finish this, finish that. My attitude has become much more of Let's do that, Let's finish this. It has become proactive, seeking out new ways to spend my new found freedom. Even before exams socialising can sometimes feel like a chore or a pressure, something to do on top of everything else you need to do. Now? Now that my attitude and focus has changed and adjusted socialising becomes something fun rather than an annoyance.
However, you could argue that this change could be just do to the weight of exams lifting, but i think attitude changes are down to the individual. You are the one who gains this Let's do this attitude.
So how. How have i hopefully made this attitudinal change permanent...
1. Decide what it most important in your life. Not what is important in the present but what will always be important.
2. What is your aim in life. Whats the end point, what is that thing that if you succeed then you feel accomplished.
3. Once you've decided on those two, an attitude shift will ensue. What is most important becomes a deciding factor on your life. If i do this will this help, hinder or danger that thing which i value the most. Your end game. That's the drive. Its like in Harry Potter and the Patronus charm, the happiest the memory the stronger the spell is. Therefore the bigger and better and more honest to yourself your dream is the better it is to drive and spur you on.
Attitude and motivation for me go hand in hand. Once my attitude and outlook on a situation changes. My motivation increases beyond all measure. So these steps can be switched around. If you have rubbish motivation, as I often suffer from see if your attitude is in the right place and then that directly improves your motivation.
Anyway, these are just the thoughts running through my head as I'm bursting with no more exams energy.
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
Sunday 26 June 2016
Saying Goodbye
Hey Guys,
Saying goodbye to anything is difficult, especially when that thing has been part of your life for 14 years...
That 'thing' for me is school. School is something that becomes your entire focus, it controls and dictates your life.
My schedule was: Wake up, school, work, sleep, wake up ,school, work, sleep. X6 times a week. ( yes I know, i had Saturday school..Oh the horror..)
Even your friends become the ones you make and see in school, your future starts to depend on what happens at school.
School is your life.
And then its over, 14 years of routine over.
Therefore when it ends, even for a relatively non-sentimental person like me it is weird.
My school, although I have some bad memories there, it was cheese-ly my home for 5 years.
Literally though because of the immense hours i had to spend there working...
School being over is definitely a good thing, I am now free to focus entirely on history, eat as much ice cream as i want and watch TV and movies until my head hurts.
For those of you who have finished school, you'll know the feeling of happiness, freedom mixed with apprehension at the amount of time you now have and the fact you now have to actually manage and succeed in your life..by yourself. (But seriously what was I doing with my life before revision).
If you haven't left school, don't worry you will get there. Every teacher criticism, mean person and low grade is one small step to leaving. You'll get there in no time.
As i end this chapter, finally, in my life i decided to make a video to commemorate
(linked here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMBYh0OuHyY )
Hope you all have a good week, I will be slowly processing the fact i never have to endure another school lesson again....
But as Pi from the Life of Pi said: "Life is defined by letting go. What holds you back is not saying goodbye."
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
Saying goodbye to anything is difficult, especially when that thing has been part of your life for 14 years...
That 'thing' for me is school. School is something that becomes your entire focus, it controls and dictates your life.
My schedule was: Wake up, school, work, sleep, wake up ,school, work, sleep. X6 times a week. ( yes I know, i had Saturday school..Oh the horror..)
Even your friends become the ones you make and see in school, your future starts to depend on what happens at school.
School is your life.
And then its over, 14 years of routine over.
Therefore when it ends, even for a relatively non-sentimental person like me it is weird.
My school, although I have some bad memories there, it was cheese-ly my home for 5 years.
Literally though because of the immense hours i had to spend there working...
School being over is definitely a good thing, I am now free to focus entirely on history, eat as much ice cream as i want and watch TV and movies until my head hurts.
For those of you who have finished school, you'll know the feeling of happiness, freedom mixed with apprehension at the amount of time you now have and the fact you now have to actually manage and succeed in your life..by yourself. (But seriously what was I doing with my life before revision).
If you haven't left school, don't worry you will get there. Every teacher criticism, mean person and low grade is one small step to leaving. You'll get there in no time.
As i end this chapter, finally, in my life i decided to make a video to commemorate
(linked here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMBYh0OuHyY )
Hope you all have a good week, I will be slowly processing the fact i never have to endure another school lesson again....
But as Pi from the Life of Pi said: "Life is defined by letting go. What holds you back is not saying goodbye."
Love,
LadyoftheRivers x
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