What I Read¦ On Holiday

Hey Guys,

As you probably saw my posts and videos have been few and far between recently. This is due to the fact that i was on holiday the past 2 weeks, and although Cornwall has the best beaches, ice cream and pastys... it has THE worst WiFi.

But due to the undeniable slowness and disappearing of any chance of Internet it meant i had a hell of a long time to read!
I love reading, its something you can do anywhere and anytime, which transports you to any world imaginable.

On my you tube channel i talked about physical books i read, here i want to talk about books i read on y Kindle.

The Fallen Star Series by Jessica Sorensen

This series of books i downloaded on a whim as the first was free. They're not the best written as the can jump around a little and in some areas it doesn't read as well as other books. However, they are a lovely little fantasy fix. Imagine Twilight meets Mortal Instruments combined with every young adult series ever. It has the stock vampire, moody male love interest, slightly significant female character who has great skills and of course the close off, introverted, innocent main female character. Although these books are predicable and wouldn't be my first fantasy adventure they are a good book to enter a new world and the author does have a few cool ideas. This is because the main character Gemma has never felt emotion for 18 years and slowly begins to which reveals 'a magical power' she has, then she gets caught up in a war against the evil guys ( NO spoilers) and creatures called the 'Death Walkers'. As she id trying to save the world she falls for a guy called Alex....
There are 4 books in the series and if you want a little story, that's easy to read then i would recommend these.


Amy Green by Sarah Webb

Throwing it back now, these books were all i read for a bout 1 year when i was 12. I found them on my kindle and thought i might as well relive them. Yes, they are still as cheesy, predictable as i remember, although now with a hint of hilarity that i was so attached to these books. I already added a few years to the main character Amy as she is doing and achieving things no 13 year old did ( at least i didn't). Therefore i see her more as 17, that way the books were more bearable for me. If your not-so-little-one wants a really easy read, browse through this series. But it was a cute trip down memory lane.

Insurgent by Veronica Roth

The divergent series is a series i constantly dip in and out off, I loved and still love the first book, but the second and especially the third i'm not a massive fan off. I think the first one is so clearly written and the last two are more of a jumble and not as well written. Therefore once i have read and loved the first one i often slow down read the next two books. Insurgent is alright but i do get a little bit bored so i have not finished yet. Although i have read the whole series many a time, I used Insurgent as a bit of a filler in Cornwall rather than a main books. This series is alright if you need a books that's quite easy to read and quick that gives you a different world to escape too.

As you can see there is a theme to these books. They are easy to read, fantasy books. This is because on holiday i like to read books i don't have to think  about. I'm on Holiday to relax and i hate trying to force my way and think around complicated ideas, instead i read a lot of books that although have good stories are not the most intellectual. Even so, there good books to switch off which is what holidays are all about.

Thoughts on a Thursday¦ Fear Of Missing Out

Hey Guys,

I have Once Upon a Time playing in the background, a beverage in hand ( aka Water because it is wayyy to hot for hot chocolate) and my hair is tied back.

It must be time for another Thoughts on a Thursday.

As I have become older, I am convinced that life is a series of balances.
In order to be successful, happy and content you need to make sure each part of your life is balanced.

Exercise vs Relaxing

Learning vs Rest

Work vs Fun

Socialising vs Recharging... This is the one i am at the moment struggling with. Due to my introvert nature and my work ethic i will just work and work and work. In my mind hard work will eventually pay off, and if it hasn't then I've got to work harder. This way of living however is not healthy, it means i miss out on activities and memories with my friends. It means i become known as the 'One who works hard' or 'The Introvert'. Sometimes, for me that can be a compliment, I love and get a massive kick out of people complimenting my work ethic ( as I'm sure many of you do). But I have never been able to get that balance right.

It reminds me of physics lessons where we had to try and find the centre of gravity, in each one depending of the weights the centre was different, for me that was easy to figure out, i did the formula and boom, I knew where best to balance it.

In life though, I fail at bit more. This year i tried a bit more to be social,and in some cases it worked. But now. Its all gone belly up. I feel my friends slipping away from me, I literally haven't seen them in a month.... They are all having adventures and annoying life and i'm not there. i'm not with them.

Fear of Missing out or FOMO is something everyone struggles with. Even the most introverted of introverts have this feeling. But its not FOMO its Loneliness. People try so hard to avoid loneliness they give i different names to trick themselves into believing that's not what they're feeling. Like Voldemort and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Loneliness is something difficult to deal with, but there is a difference to being LONELY and being ALONE. You can choose.

If you are feeling in dire need of friendship , try and organise something. Just keeping hinting or setting dates or suggesting parties and get togethers. Make dates you know you will be able to meet them easily so it can be a stress free event for everyone.

If you chose to be on your own, make the most of it, stick on a movie, belt out cheesy songs ( complete with embarrassing dance moves), eat your absolutely favourite food.... When I'm alone the whole house stinks of garlic because I can finally  eat it without people complaining.

And Lastly, if your friends aren't making time for you, maybe get some other ones. Go outside, meet people hunting for Pokemon, If you're over aged go to a bar and talk at a music night or quiz night.


If your are feeling lonely DO NOT over think it. Don't read 'They Hate me' whenever your friends comment on a Facebook picture without you, or make plans, or go somewhere without you. They don't hate you, but if it is a worry talk to them about it communicate more, friendships are so much better when everyone is one the same page.

Hope this helps,

Love your fellow confused introvert,

LadyoftheRivers x

( Sorry if this was to self-focused...Still trying to find the balance with these!)

Thoughts on a Thursday¦ Fear Of Missing Out

Hey Guys,

I have Once Upon a Time playing in the background, a beverage in hand ( aka Water because it is wayyy to hot for hot chocolate) and my hair is tied back.

It must be time for another Thoughts on a Thursday.

As I have become older, I am convinced that life is a series of balances.
In order to be successful, happy and content you need to make sure each part of your life is balanced.

Exercise vs Relaxing

Learning vs Rest

Work vs Fun

Socialising vs Recharging... This is the one i am at the moment struggling with. Due to my introvert nature and my work ethic i will just work and work and work. In my mind hard work will eventually pay off, and if it hasn't then I've got to work harder. This way of living however is not healthy, it means i miss out on activities and memories with my friends. It means i become known as the 'One who works hard' or 'The Introvert'. Sometimes, for me that can be a compliment, I love and get a massive kick out of people complimenting my work ethic ( as I'm sure many of you do). But I have never been able to get that balance right.

It reminds me of physics lessons where we had to try and find the centre of gravity, in each one depending of the weights the centre was different, for me that was easy to figure out, i did the formula and boom, I knew where best to balance it.

In life though, I fail at bit more. This year i tried a bit more to be social,and in some cases it worked. But now. Its all gone belly up. I feel my friends slipping away from me, I literally haven't seen them in a month.... They are all having adventures and annoying life and i'm not there. i'm not with them.

Fear of Missing out or FOMO is something everyone struggles with. Even the most introverted of introverts have this feeling. But its not FOMO its Loneliness. People try so hard to avoid loneliness they give i different names to trick themselves into believing that's not what they're feeling. Like Voldemort and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Loneliness is something difficult to deal with, but there is a difference to being LONELY and being ALONE. You can choose.

If you are feeling in dire need of friendship , try and organise something. Just keeping hinting or setting dates or suggesting parties and get togethers. Make dates you know you will be able to meet them easily so it can be a stress free event for everyone.

If you chose to be on your own, make the most of it, stick on a movie, belt out cheesy songs ( complete with embarrassing dance moves), eat your absolutely favourite food.... When I'm alone the whole house stinks of garlic because I can finally  eat it without people complaining.

And Lastly, if your friends aren't making time for you, maybe get some other ones. Go outside, meet people hunting for Pokemon, If you're over aged go to a bar and talk at a music night or quiz night.


If your are feeling lonely DO NOT over think it. Don't read 'They Hate me' whenever your friends comment on a Facebook picture without you, or make plans, or go somewhere without you. They don't hate you, but if it is a worry talk to them about it communicate more, friendships are so much better when everyone is one the same page.

Hope this helps,

Love your fellow confused introvert,

LadyoftheRivers x

( Sorry if this was to self-focused...Still trying to find the balance with these!)

Thoughts on a Thursday¦ Holding on and Letting go

Hey Guys,

I have found the rubbish side of summer. My friends are leaving. Although this is normally a regular occurrence friends jutting off everywhere to go and enjoy exotic holidays round the world, now we have left school, some are leaving forever.
And I will miss them.
I will miss the small, seemingly mundane conversations we'd have bleary eyed in the mornings, the random inside jokes that were created and forgotten almost instantly and just the feeling of having them around.
Although I know i will stay in touch with many, it won't be the same.

As someone who prides themselves at being up for change in the face of those adverse to it, i retned like often i'm ok etting go of friends. I then ineveitably loose touch, forget about them as i get caught up in the next project... Each time i vow that i wouldn't lose touch with this one, or that one. And one by one i do. I'm also really bad a texting back.

Letting go is always something people struggle with. There seems only to be 2 extremes. Not letting go enough or letting go too much. Both of these are me, I both let people go way to easily especially if they've done something to hurt me but then, i don't let go enough to let that person actually evolve.
And that is what i have to do now. I have to release this tight grip i have and let them go, let them actually start to evolve and transform into the people i know they can become.

I have a quote on my wall by C.S. Lewis, not just because he's an amazing writer but because the quote sums up the importance of 'letting go'

"There are far, far, better things ahead, than any we leave behind"

However, you will notice that this blogpost is not simply entitled 'letting go' but also focuses on 'holding on' ( Something Elsa from Frozen did not do as she 'Let it Go'

Holding on for me is potent. I hold onto the wrong things, regret, guilt and all that marlakery. instead of going out with my friends and wnjoying myself, i hold on to the feeling of apphrension and fear i have. 

By holding on to these negative feelings it means i miss out. I miss out on being that 'fun freind' instead i become a burden. 

i'm unable to let anything go because i', holding on so tightly to my feelings of what others think of me.

SO that's what i want to encourage you the reader to do. Let go, let go of holding on. let go to the standards society is trying to hold you up against. Because then, maybe just maybe we can finally let our hair down a bit and enjoy our selves. 

Life's short. Let's let it go. 

Love,

LadyoftheRivers

Feminism Diary 2016

Hey Guys,

This post goes hand in hand with my video this week linked here:( https://youtu.be/nmZ2AKMONFc)

I wanted to make a video and post about my 'feminism diary' because i wanted to document my thoughts, feelings and ideas around feminism at this time in my life. Through looking back through old blogposts i have seen how much my knowledge and opinions have expanded and changed about many subjects not only feminism but also history, politics and general life-ness. This has led me wanting to pinpoint where i am now and where I want to head towards in the future.

In my video i focused more on where I wanted expand and improve my feminism but on my blog I want to focus on where and how I decided to become and label myself as a feminist.

Like many of you, at a young age i didn't know the word feminism let alone what it meant. But unlike many i fortunately had a very supportive, open minded and progressive family. My mum when i was small used to change pronouns when she read to me. This is because she believed ungendered objects such as toys and cars should not automatically be labelled as 'he'. This gives the impression of the open-minded attitude i had surrounding me, which unfortunately many do not have the luxury and privilege of having. My family bubble of thinking everyone was treated equally continued I hardly faced any outright sexism in primary school, that i can remember, and my life goal at this time to be a builder was surprisingly supported and celebrated. However, this happy little bubble was soon popped when i started to move out of my sleepy little village and into a bigger,scarier school. The first discrimination i faced was not due to my gender but my class. i was suddenly attending a school where people had money. Not normal amounts like my family did but serious money. My rough around the edges accent and blindness to the upper class way of doing things left those around me with lots of material to pick up on and to highlight the differences between us. Although this was never serious it did start me questioning my optimistic and happy ideal of the world.

Things started to really turn when i got into to politics and history. As weird as it sounds as i was reading and learning more about the Tudors I started to draw similarities between their society and ours. I started to notice how women were treated as lesser citizens, I read horrifying stories online about women being treated appallingly. My bubble was well and truly burst. Instead of doing what others around me did when their bubble burst of trying to make or fit into a new one, I examined and read further about these inequalities i was too face. I discovered the wage gap, everyday sexism, discrimination. I learnt about inequalities i would never face FGM, child marriage. These lead me to think, why is no fighting back? why are people letting this happen?
That's when i discovered feminism. I discovered this army of people valiantly trying to make this world more equal.
Unfortunately at this time my feminism lacked intersectionality despite doing presentations and writing essays about it in school, my feminism still was very foucsed on me. What challenges am I going to face, what can I do to make MY life better.

Recently there is where I have tried to shift my feminism too, moving it away from me and on to those who across the world only dream of the life i lead. I want to use my voice and my privilege to improve their lives and their position.


I hope we can succeed in that.

Love,
LadyodtheRivers

Thoughts on a Thursday¦ Attitude

Hey Guys,

Now that I have finished exams, my attitude has changed immensely. 

Rather than my attitude being a mindset of: do this, do that, finish this, finish that. My attitude has become much more of Let's do that, Let's finish this. It has become proactive, seeking out new ways to spend my new found freedom.  Even before exams socialising can sometimes feel like a chore or a pressure, something to do on top of everything else you need to do. Now? Now that my attitude and focus has changed and adjusted socialising becomes something fun rather than an annoyance. 

However, you could argue that this change could be just do to the weight of exams lifting, but i think attitude changes are down to the individual. You are the one who gains this Let's do this attitude. 

So how. How have i hopefully made this attitudinal change permanent...

1. Decide what it most important in your life. Not what is important in the present but what will always be important. 

2. What is your aim  in life. Whats the end point, what is that thing that if you succeed then you feel accomplished. 

3. Once you've decided on those two, an attitude shift will ensue. What is most important becomes a deciding factor on your life. If i do this will this help, hinder or danger that thing which i value the most. Your end game. That's the drive. Its like in Harry Potter and the Patronus charm, the happiest the memory the stronger the spell is. Therefore the bigger and better and more honest to yourself your dream is the better it is to drive and spur you on. 

Attitude and motivation for me go hand in hand. Once my attitude and outlook on a situation changes. My motivation increases beyond all measure. So these steps can be switched around. If you have rubbish motivation, as I often suffer from see if your attitude is in the right place and then that directly improves your motivation.

Anyway, these are just the thoughts running through my head as I'm bursting with no more exams energy.

Love,

LadyoftheRivers x

Saying Goodbye

Hey Guys,

Saying goodbye to anything is difficult, especially when that thing has been part of your life for 14 years...

That 'thing' for me is school. School is something that becomes your entire focus, it controls and dictates your life.

My schedule was: Wake up, school, work, sleep, wake up ,school, work, sleep. X6 times a week. ( yes I know, i had Saturday school..Oh the horror..)

Even your friends become the ones you make and see in school, your future starts to depend on what happens at school.
School is your life.

And then its over, 14 years of routine over.

Therefore when it ends, even for a relatively non-sentimental person like me it is weird.

My school, although I have some bad memories there, it was cheese-ly my home for 5 years.
Literally though because of the immense hours i had to spend there working...

School being over is definitely a good thing, I am now free to focus entirely on history, eat as much ice cream as i want and watch TV and movies until my head hurts.

For those of you who have finished school, you'll know the feeling of happiness, freedom mixed with apprehension at the amount of time you now have and the fact you now have to actually manage and succeed in your life..by yourself. (But seriously what was I doing with my life before revision).

If you haven't left school, don't worry you will get there. Every teacher criticism, mean person and low grade is one small step to leaving. You'll get there in no time.

As i end this chapter, finally, in my life i decided to make a video to commemorate
(linked here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMBYh0OuHyY )

Hope you all have a good week, I will be slowly processing the fact i never have to endure another school lesson again....

But as Pi from the Life of Pi said: "Life is defined by letting go. What holds you back is not saying goodbye."

Love,
LadyoftheRivers x